Confession 1.0

A Confession to God in response to reflecting upon 'Why I need the orphan?'

"The mercy of the Lord is everlasting."

"O' Father, I need NOT save You and your grace. Your goodness. Your love. Your mercy and Your forgiveness. Your discipline and Your guidance. Your Spirit and Your power. You O' God need not yet you commune with, reside in, and love your children."

'Who are you O' God who, lacking nothing, creates all things? Who are You, O' God who fashions man and woman after Your likeness? The height of your creativity. Who are You O' God who loves me before the beginning of time? Who purposes to breath life into these dry bones according to your good plan and to the praise of Your glorious grace? You have graciously revealed Yourself to me in the person of Your Son Jesus Christ. Why?

I never looked for you. I did not long for your love, never merited it or demanded that which I did not truly desire. Nor from my self did I muster up a love and adoration of You, that I might be compelled to pursue You, to lay hold of You and capture You that my heart might be changed. I did not desire fellowship with You- I was at enmity with You!I wanted to be my own god. I wanted to become good by my own hand, that I might be loved by others and proud of myself. I knew of You (I did not deny a God) but I did not love You. I ran from You. Disowned you. Despised You. Betrayed You. Denied You. I flaunted my sin before You and enjoyed the wicked disposition of my heart.

O' Father forgive me! In my death and ignorance I never saw the stripes being ripped through The back of your Son. I danced and sang while the Righteous Was mocked and spat upon and Filling every sensual pleasure with the filth of this world While the soldiers hung You on a tree. I dared You to come off that cross, To prove Yourself to me. But you have done much more!

'In the deepest ocean, at the bottom of the sea, Your eyes, they turn me.'2

I confess to You. To You who knows all. What I write You already know and yet You call me Your Son! I come to you in my filth. In my shallowness. With half a heart turned towards You- one eye on the orphan, one eye on the world!

'I'd be crazy not to follow, follow where you lead! Your eyes, they turn me...'3

"O' Father, save me from myself, turn my heart towards You and your Kingdom! Towards the poor, the needy, the sick and the lonely. Lead me where my flesh cringes to go; towards people that I don't really know; to sights of destruction and smells of desolation. Lead me by the Spirit and empower my steps (the good in me is of You!) towards the orphan. Give me a face to touch. A hand to hold. A heart to melt. A mouth to make smile. And a life to better. Please Father, afford me the opportunity to give unto others what You have given me. Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have (given to me by grace!) let me freely give!"

Your Son says that when we receive a child (the lowly and useless) we receive Him and we receive You. I've possessed many, many things. O' Lord I want not of this world! I want You! And I want to remember every day that which I value most, desire most, esteem most. I want to remember Christ. His life. His death. His resurrection glory. His reign. His Kingdom. O' how quickly I forget the Son! Is that why he commanded us to remember Him in the bread and the wine? Because we would forget the blood flowing and the body breaking? You know me all to well Father. My memory fails me. Or is it my heart? How can an orphan child half way around the world remember my name and yet I don't remember his? "Hi Michael!" he said. I replied, "I don't remember your name brother (or at times why I am striving to live a life for Christ!). But he knew my name didn't he Father. And you lovingly called me back- through the voice of an orphan boy who I can't remember- from the path of destruction. It didn't matter if I remembered the boy or not, You knew that I needed to be reminded: reminded of Your Son, what He did, and why You chose me.

Lead me where I would not go. And in going, may I meet Christ there. In my going, use me to usher in Your Kingdom. Identify me by love. Give me joy in doing the foolish things: Loving those who can do nothing for me in return. May a cup of water, a piece of bread, the providing of A new home, visiting widows and orphans in their distress, Allow us to glimpse what will be! When no one will hunger. When no one will thirst. When no one will die or watch death (O' cursed sin!) When no one will be orphaned, Eternally in the presence of You my Father.

There is so much more I wish to tell you at times like these when the pen strains to keep up with the heart. Thank you for an attentive ear. For shaping me after Yourself. Strip me of myself. Make Your Gospel afresh in my heart and express its reality through my hands.
Amen.

1. Confession of sin is the negative form of confession. Confession of praise, on the other hand, is the acknowledgment by the creature of the greatness and goodness of God. Confession of faith is then emphatic assent to a set of facts about God and God's relation to mankind. In sum, confession is the working out of redemption itself in the life of the sinner. It is prayer itself.

2&3. Lyrics from Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, from the latest Radiohead album 'In Rainbows'.